This is a very special king cake review: ice cream edition! Throughout this journey, I have, for the most part, posted my reviews in the precise order of consumption. It helps me to keep track of them and keep track of what we’ve talked about here. I’m making an exception today. There is a method to my madness. Read on, friends, because we are talking about Laozi Ice Cream: The King and The Queen.

Laozi Ice Cream has been on the New Orleans artisan ice cream scene for a couple of years now. Laozi is pronounced like “lousy” (I don’t know why—apparently it’s a long story). It’s all hand constructed by the owner, Sam Caruso, who layers his quarts of ice cream by hand. He technically makes “glace,” which is the French word for ice cream. I don’t know what distinguishes glace from ice cream, but there’s a lot that distinguishes Laozi from anything you’ve ever had. I’ve mostly avoided it until now, not because it didn’t look amazing, but because I feared how much I would love it.

Laozi is a legitimately inspirational story of Sam, who is now sober and has used his ice cream as a platform to speak about his past struggles with drug addiction, and the fact that there can be a way out. WE LOVE TO SEE IT. He currently advertises his flavors on social media, which he releases periodically on Thursdays at noon and sells out of the back porch of Blue Dot Donuts in Mid City.

Now, I’m a fan of hyperbole, but when I say that Sam makes the most incredible ice cream you have ever had, I really do mean this. He sells it for $20-$25 a pint. You probably think that sounds expensive, and maybe it is, but you are getting what you’re paying for. I mean that.

Both ice creams are very similar in style but with different flavors. The King and The Queen have a different flavored ice cream base (more on this shortly) but both feature delicious bites of real king cake distributed throughout the quart. Y’all know I had to reach out to Sam to ask about this, including the all important question: which king did he use?? His response cracked me up… he did tell me which cake he used (it’s Caluda’s, yay!) but he also told me: “It wouldn't matter what king cake it was because I deconstruct the whole thing into tiny pieces, put it into a big bucket, sugar and cinnamon it, let it sit in bucket in fridge for 24 hours minimum (in order to activate some of the gluten), then each bite I hand roll into little balls and strategically placed them 😂”

Well, there you have it. Y’all, the king cake bites are unreal. UNREAL! They have a sugary crunch to them that is the perfect textural contrast to the ice cream. It’s like a king-cake cake ball, but better, because it’s in the best ice cream you’ve ever had. The texture of the ice cream is…. I don’t have a word or a phrase for it. I’ll try. Velvety perfection? We’ll go with velvety perfection. I was wondering what sorcery this was but honestly, folks, isn’t it obvious? Yep, it’s our old pal, the usual suspect, our fatty friend—BUTTER. The great thing about this is that the texture of ice cream remains soft even when it’s right out of the freezer. This is also the bad thing, though, because it is waayyy too easy to just open the freezer and sneak a bite or four. There is also a frosting distributed throughout the hand-layered quarts, and each quart is topped with hand-dyed sugar and a king cake baby.

The truly crazy thing about this ice cream is how little of it you need to eat to be both satisfied and full. This makes me a little nervous about the nutritional content but, you know what? Moderation is for Lent. Also I am pretty sure one person could live off of one quart of this ice cream for a month if they had to. Don’t try that at home. Takeaway: this ice cream is RICH, y’all, and you’re going to want to eat more if than you should. Pace yourself. Trust me.

I’ll conclude this portion of my love letter by saying that there are a few Very Good ice cream makers in New Orleans and at least a handful of variations on king cake ice cream this year. If you have one king cake ice cream this year, I would actually make it two, and Laozi makes both of them.

Okay, so onto the individual reviews. Here are the descriptions from his social media:

The Queen - House made Creole cream cheese & almond French-style ice cream with king cake bites, butter cream cheese frosting, & hand dyed purple/green/gold sugar. “She got the petit four vibes.” (Editor’s note: YES. SHE. DOES.)

Now, everyone else at the office who tried these said they preferred this one over the king, but not me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s objectively good. I’m no dummy. But it has a lot of almond/wedding cake flavor and that’s not really my favorite, as you know. It does have a nice cream cheese finish to it. If you like almond flavor you will die for this. You will probably name your firstborn after this ice cream. (But go with Queen over Laozi, probably.) It really is delicious and wonderful, even though it wasn’t really my jam, because almond flavor. Everything is a matter of personal preference, but the quality is there and I feel like I do know high quality when I taste it. 4.5 stars.

The King - Buttery & Cinnamony French-style ice cream with king cake bites, butter cream cheese frosting, & hand dyed purple/green/gold sugar. This tastes like if ice cream were a hug. It tastes like if ice cream were pure love distilled into cream and sugar. When I first tasted it, I instinctively took two steps away from the quart and froze in place (not quite sure which instinct was playing out here) as I processed what I was eating. The butter and the cinnamon flavors are absolutely mind blowing. I am obsessed with this ice cream. I will write a book about this ice cream. I am naming my firstborn after this ice cream. 5 stars.