Friends, I knew this day would come. Yes, I’ve been fearing the day on which someone (other than myself) contributed to The Cause, and I would subsequently have to post a critical review that would hurt my heart because I sincerely care about said contributor. That day is today. This daunting task, however, made me think long and hard about how best to reframe a less-than-stellar review, which is what I set out to do here, my dear readers. Let’s take a collective deep breath and prepare ourselves for my review of the Gracious Bakery Almond Queen Cake.

Gracious Bakery is a local bakery with a few locations in New Orleans, including location on the parade route at St. Charles and 6th Street. In addition to king cakes, Gracious sells a number of cakes and pies, as well as sandwiches, breakfast food, salads, and various baked goods.

The Almond Queen Cake, according to the website, “features almond fragipan [sic] laminated into the dough for a unique, wedding-cake like flavor.” They also offer a traditional cinnamon king cake and chocolate-filled king cake.

Let me just start by saying that there is nothing inherently wrong with this king cake. It’s FINE! Really. There was nothing gross or weird or potentially dangerous about it. It’s just on the rather extreme side of simple with not all that much going on. The dough is very bread-like. In my initial notes, I wrote “extremely bread.” I usually try to refine these notes a bit but I kept that one here because it is the truest representation of my reaction, and you needed to see this. I also found that the almond icing, while tasty, was not particularly memorable. As you know, I’m not a huge fan of wedding-cake-style almond-flavored things, and I found the almond icing here Good. Very Good, even. But I think this cake in particular would have worked even better with at least twice as much icing. The presentation with the sprinkles was cute but don’t y’all feel like they could have done more with this?? I do. Come, on, Gracious. Let’s put in some effort here.

Overall, this cake is fairly … bread. It is. But let’s think of all the reasons this could be a positive. Maybe you have an aversion to butter (why?) and pastries (???) but love bread. Maybe you’re looking for a king cake that won’t easily get soggy or spoiled on a very humid day out on the parade route, and/or have a king cake emergency right before or during a parade. (Remember to pack your spare king cakes to avoid this scenario.) MAYBE you want to try to make a king cake sandwich and this will be what you start with?! 

I ate two slices and I wouldn’t have done that had I hated this cake. There just isn’t that much going on here, and as you probably already know, I’m extra as all get out. Personally, if I had it my way, every king cake would have about 18 different things going on at one time, and I would have to eat that many slices of king cake to fully break those things down in my head, take notes, and later write a review. I love complexity, excess, and abundance! But you’re not me, and there is always a place for simplicity.

I’ve had a lot of over-the-top king cakes lately and this one is extremely simple. If that describes your king cake tastes, there is nothing wrong with this cake. Personally, I doubt I’ll be buying another Gracious King Cake this year. 3 stars.